In Buddhism class, LP Anan told us a story.  A man and his friend decided to ordain with the Buddha because they were fascinated with his teachings.  After they were ordained they talked about how to practice.  One man wanted to be a scholar and his friend wanted to go into the forest to practice on his own.  The first man became a scholar of Buddhism.  He was one of the most popular speakers on the topic of Dhamma.  The other man was a simple monk.  Not highly educated, or highly knowledgeable

He contemplated impermanence suffering and not self.  He became an arahant in the forest.

The scholar wanted to see what his friend was doing.  On the way to the forest the Buddha became aware of his intention.  The scholar was going to disrespect his friend by testing his book knowledge and thus hurt his friend. To prevent this, the Buddha went with the scholar and when they got there, the Buddha starting asking the forest monk questions first.  The forest monk answered the questions and demonstrated that he was an arahant.  The scholar didn’t know the answers because he was book smart, but didn’t practice Dhamma.  The scholar was scared because he thought he was smart, but he lacked knowledge.  The Buddha asked the same questions of the scholar, and he had to say he didn’t know.  He was ashamed

After that, the scholar decided to start again and re-train himself.  He asked all the famous teachers of the time if they wouldn’t train him.  They said no.  He was the guy who knew everything so they didn’t want to teach someone like that.  Finally he started to asked novice monk.  He came across a 7 yo and asked him.  This novice monk was an arahant and he said no I’m just a novice, I don’t know much.  He thought this guy is a monk and has a high ego, but if he’s asking me, a novice, he probably can’t find anyone to teach him.  The novice told him that he had to pass a test before he would teach him.  He asked the scholar to walk into the water and back out many times.  The scholar didn’t complain and just followed the novice’s instructions and was humble.  The novice told him to stop and told him he is ready.  The novice told him that he cannot repeat what he has heard or read and that he had to create his own knowledge and not quote others or talk theory.  After practicing this way, the scholar eventually he was able to become an arahant.

The lesson I learned was that we cannot truly learn Dhamma by reading a book or listening to others, we need to apply it and practice it in our lives in order to truly understand.  Also in order to learn some life lesson, we have to experience the struggle or the failure.

I think about my son.  I lecture him a lot.  I want to make his life easier by showing him how to do things.  I remember we would fight with him a lot because he wouldn’t listen.  On the one hand, he wanted to do it himself, so I could understand that, but on the other hand, why “recreate the wheel.”  I only had his best interest in mind, but of course this is more what “I thought” he needed rather that what “he” needed.  I was like the scholar.

My son is playing basketball now.  The coach tells him he hold his basketball more in order to get more comfortable with it, which in turn will help him handle the ball better on the court.  Has he held it while at home?  Nope.  I use to get on his case.  After listening to the story of the scholar and the forest monk, I realized that this was a situation where prompting him (i.e. reminding him to hold his basketball) would not work.  I also thought about how I was wrong.  The first realization was that I don’t know how to play basketball so whom am I to tell him what to do.  Jason is happy with his performance.  I am not his coach, who is okay with his performance as evidenced by allowing him to be on the team.

When I was younger, I would have debt problems, I would charge up a storm and owe a lot on credit cards.  I would pay it off slowly, but at some point, my father would intervene and pay them off for me and I in turn would pay him (saving on the interest).  This pattern repeated itself a couple of times, then finally, I told my father to not pay off my bills because how will I ever learn to be financially responsible if he kept bailing me out?  I had reached rock bottom, so to speak, and I had to get myself out of the hole I was in.

I’m like the guy in the story.  I know a lot from listen to people, but it’s nothing new.  For me, it is understanding my limitations and understanding my double standards.  My son is like me when I was younger.  I made mistakes in my past which made me a better person.  I need to recognize this double standard I apply to him and let him be.  As a parent, we want to shelter our children and protect them, but is that always the best?  It is better to support them in their decisions and choices and help them stand up again if they fail.