The Young Me (Learn Buddhism to get good grade):

I was born in Indonesia and grew up in a Buddhist family where I got a chance to know and learn Theravada Buddhism. Since I was young, I am always fascinated with the story of the Buddha Gautama and His journey to enlightenment. I used to read the book over and over again to the point where I remembered which section of the book is about His birth, His decision to leave the family, His Enlightenment, and His Parinibbana.

When I was in high school in Indonesia, I had to take a Buddhism class as part of the curriculum. I studied a lot about the types of Kamma (Law of Cause and Effect) in great detail, the types of wholesome and unwholesome actions, the history of the Buddha, His disciples, families, and other individuals in the Buddha’s life. I memorized the chantings in Pali language, without understanding what it means. I studied all these Buddhist theories in order to get a good grade, without really understanding what those teachings really meant.

The Teenager Me (Learn Buddhism because it is logical to me):

I went to college in the Seattle, Washington, where at the time I had limited access to Buddhism teachings. Several years into my college life, I was fascinated with Christianity and joined a church in the area. For two years, I became a devoted Christian and was on a mission to introduce Christianity to as many people as possible.

When I went back to Indonesia for a vacation, my family was not really happy with my new belief. Almost every night, we had a fight about Buddhism versus Christianity. Until one day when my parents decided to take me see a Theravada monk who in the past was a Christian. So, I went to see him. We spent 3 to 4 hours discussing the purpose of life, why people are born differently, whether there are skies, why the Bible said this and that statements, how Buddhism perceives Christianity and vice versa.

Long story short, that was one moment in my life where I actually got re-introduced to Buddhism not as theory I have to memorize in order to get good grade, but as a teachings that make sense to my logic. I had the Bible on my right hand, and I had a Buddhism book on my left hand. I compared the two. I studied both religion to the best of my ability. And, I come to a conclusion that Buddhism satisfies my logic. It make sense to me. Shortly after I went back to the United States, I moved to Orange County, California where I finished my Computer Science degree and started working.

The Adult and Current Me (Practice Buddhism because it is real):

After graduating from college, I worked as a Web Engineer in Anaheim, California and later on moved to the San Francisco area.  I got married to Theresia several years later and I had what I thought was a good life… until… Theresia’s beloved dad passed away in Indonesia. For reasons that were beyond our controls, Theresia had not met her dad for the last 10 years. The only way to communicate was through phone calls. She loved her dad so much that for her not being able to see him for one last time when he passed away was enough to destroy her life. As her life companion, I could only be there for her to make sure she ate and slept as she sat, ate, cried and slept at the same spot where she heard the news. Nothing I could do to ease her mental pain.

As the night went on, I became so desperate because I did not know what to do. I knew that “life is sufferings” according to Buddha’s teachings. I knew that death would come to us and our loved ones. But… if I knew this, how come I did not know what to do. How come, I felt helpless and confused. How come, Theresia – who was practicing meditation to reach the state of equanimity – be in that horrible state? What went wrong? Then, I remembered that there was a monk from San Francisco Buddhist temple whom I met on several occasions and he spoke fluent English. Maybe, he could help us. Maybe… he could help my wife. So I called the temple. Luckily, the monk picked up the phone. I told him what happened and we finally scheduled the time for us to do food offerings.

The next morning, we went to the temple. On the road, Theresia kept crying over and over. As she held her dad’s photo in her hand… she stared at the photo… she cried. The more she saw the photo, the more she cried. When we arrived at the temple, we offered food to the monks and nun. Then the sermon started. As the sermon progressed, I noticed a phrase from the monk “You cried when someone you love passed away because there is a perception in your mind that caused the tears. When you changed that perception, you will not cry anymore. Do you ever considered if you are that someone who passed away… do you want the person you left behind to be crying like you are right now?” And that was when I surprisingly noticed my wife smiled for the first time since the day before. That was the first time I noticed that this Dhamma was real. As she swept away her tears, I cried. I cried because I felt that Buddhism was real.

The Buddha said:

“All mental phenomena have mind as their forerunner; they have mind as their chief; they are mind-made.”

That quote I read several times whenever I read the Dhammapada, but never in my life I witnessed such a real life implementation.

This is the point where I realize that Buddhism is real. It is not only logical, it can also be applied in real life.

This is the point where I realize that Buddhism is not only about knowledge, but it is about experience as well.

This is the point where I realize that Buddhism is not about philosophy or religion, but it is about my personal development of wisdom.

Thus, over the course of writing this blog… I will write my own contemplation, my own journey in cultivating my personal wisdom as guided by the teachers, brothers, and sisters of San Fran Dhammaram Temple and KPY USA as taught by Venerable Acariya Thoon Khippapanyo.

Sadhu. Sadhu. Sadhu.