I was in Thai class today and we read this soppy-Thai story that went something like this:  A teenager fights with his mom over something little. Then, to hurt her, he runs out of the house and runs away. As it gets dark the kid gets hungry but has no money for food.  A noodle shop owner,  who sees the kid standing outside looking longingly at the food, feels bad for the kid and invites him inside for something to eat. The kid starts to cry. The shop owner asks what is going on and the kid tells her about his fight with his mom, about running away to spite her, and then gushes gratitude at the shop owner’s kindness for taking him in and giving him something to eat. The shop owner starts to laugh and the kid asks why. She asks him one simple question in reply: How many bowls of noodles has your mom given you in your life?

Bam …I start bawling. Crying so hard, mumbling Thaglish between my sobs, trying so hard to explain to my teacher why I am such a mess. At the time,  I couldn’t quite get the words to form, but this is what I was trying to say…

When I was growing-up I just expected my mom to take me places; that is what I believed my mom was supposed to do. But recently, when a casual acquaintance gave me an important ride, something above and beyond what I would have expected, I was so thankful.  When I get sick I just expect Eric will care for me, it is his job as my husband. But when I was sick at the office and a co-worker took me to the doctor, I was so grateful. When I am down, when I need a friend, I expect my little brother to give me a call and cheer me up, he is my brother after all. But when a donor to my organization did the same thing the other day I was so touched and impressed.

I believe that my people will revolve around me, that they will do what I want, be who I want, that they are there to serve me. The reason I believe this is simple and deluded — they are mine. But the truth is everyone in this world is like that noodle shop owner — free to treat me with either kindness or cruelty or anything in between. Bound not by my demands or needs or expectations, but by their own beliefs and circumstances and karma.

My belief in mineness blinds me – it makes me think ‘my peeps’ will behave according to my rules and standards rather than their own. My ignorance makes me cold and thankless. And seriously what can I expect my karma to be when I take the people I should be most grateful to, the people who have shown me the most kindness, who have helped me the most, for granted?