I started thinking that this Alana life — the body and the samutti that is Alana — is like a hotel room. While I am a guest, I get all the accompaniments to the rooms: I can use the pillows, robes, slippers, objects that ‘belong to the room’ (i.e self belongings) and I receive the status of being a guest at the property with the accompanying treatment (the way I get treated as Alana the degreed professional, or Alana the accomplished yogi). But as soon as I check-out, all the accompaniments go as well.
Getting stuck on ‘needing’ an Alana body is crazy. Afterall, after I die, I clearly don’t need it for what is next, based on the fact that when the next thing comes, I don’t have it. The truth is, I don’t need this body. I want this body and I want the accompaniement of my life which require this body. That is something different than needing it. When I consider it in terms of want, I can apply all my past contemplations on whether or not this world bends to my desire, follows my will or rules. Or whether or not this body bends to my desire, follows my will or rules. Can I really use what doesn’t bend to my desire, or follow my rules to ‘manifest’ me, Alana, WHO I AM? Of course I can’t. I cling in futility; this is not freedom, this is not Alana Pwning, deciding the fate of the accompaniemnts, of my life, via the fate of the body. This is just delusion and the suffering of my efforts and inevitable failure.