I am a real globe trotter, I travel almost every chance I get. In just the last few years I have been to Kenya, China, India, Italy, Iceland, France, Japan… So, it might come as surprise to y’all that I really don’t like flying at all, in the past I was down right terrified. No, it never really stopped me from getting on a plane, I love to travel after all, but I did manage to worry the whole flight long that that huge hunk of metal would fall from the sky. To be fair, I didn’t really care for driving much either, but at least when I drove, I was driving. With the plane all I could do was sit in my seat and mutter prayers under my breath hoping that my will, the power of my mind alone could keep the plane aloft.  Unless of course…

I was talking to Mae Yo and Neecha one day about my fear of flying. A bit of probing and prodding and out came the real question. Do I really think I could fly the plane better than the pilots? I stopped in my tracks —  the extent of my flying experience was the old space invaders video game — of course I would not be better off if I were the one flying the plane. Still though, a part of me, on some level thought, if I were in control, if I were the one flying, the experience wouldn’t be so scary. Why else would I be doing all that prayer muttering? Moreover, I saw that I wanted to know, I wanted to see, I thought if I was aware what was going on it would be OK. But since all that flying is happening behind the sealed cockpit door it is an unknown and, by definition, scary by nature.

With a little more thought I realized that before the plane story, I had begun to grapple with the limitations of my control –I couldn’t control my friend Sue, my teeth, my body or my phone –I just can’t control everything. Still, I had the sneaking suspicion that if I could control something I should control it since I would be better off for having done so. Plus,  if I just knew what was going on I would be safe. But could that really be some immutable fact? If I were flying the plane would me, or the rest of the passengers,  be better off?  If I was standing over the pilot’s’ shoulder, watching — knowing — their every move ( How can my husband say I’m a backseat driver?) could I rest easy assured I would have a safe flight?   

I saw that when I fly the best I can do is exercise my limited control. I can pick reputable airlines, buckle my safety belt and maybe sit in the exit row if the seat  is free. But after that, I need to accept the risk and the fact that it’s not something I’m in control of and that it actually wouldn’t be better if I were.  The risk, in fact was part of my decision to travel, it’s built into the trip and the activity I love so much — but that is a topic that came a little bit later in my practice.