Since I was young, whenever I made a wish, I never bothered to ask to be rich or beautiful; I always asked to have wisdom. To me, wisdom meant I could acquire other things and understand the world. So when I prayed, I wished for gaining wisdom. And somehow, one day, my prayers were answered…
Growing up a Buddhist in Thailand meant I learnt basic Pali chanting, meditation and I went to the temple on special Buddhist holidays, Birthdays and New Years to offer food to the monks and make donations. I had always believed in the Buddha and his teaching but never truly understood how I could use them in my everyday life. At one point, I thought Arahants, fully awakened people with the highest level of enlightenment, no longer existed in this era. In my mind, I thought Arahants were only in the Buddha’s time. The ones that I had heard of were the enlightened monks that had already passed away.
A few years after I moved to the U.S., at Wat San Fran’s annual Kathina fundraising event, I listened to a sermon from a monk and it touched me deeply. That was the beginning of my seeking more. I vowed to attend Kathina every year. A few years after, I came to the chanting in honor of Venerable Acariya Thoon’s passing. Since then I started coming to the temple more often, with ears open and ready for anyone who could show me the dhamma. I could feel there was something different about the dhamma I learned at Wat San Fran, compared to what I had known growing up as a Buddhist in Thailand. There were repeated messages about looking inward within myself, finding my own wrong views and fixing them. Since then I realized I found my path. Luang Por Thoon’s teaching in the wisdom tradition helps me see the world differently. It feels like one of my favorite movies, The Matrix, using his teachings I can see the truth and find my way out one day. I knew in my heart I finally found my ultimate path laid out by an Arahant teacher. After years of KPY retreats and countless hours of hard work by Luang Por’s students, Mae Yo, Phra Anan and Neecha, I began to work on myself, little by little. While I am still struggling, they have shown me the tools to use in dealing with my own suffering. I didn’t truly understand the Buddha’s teaching until I began to use those tools they gave me and started seeing results in my own life.
One of the things they taught me is to know myself and know my own flaws. Luang Por Thoon once said we all need to be our own doctor, so we can prescribe the right medicine to the disease we have. The day I first realized my character flaws generated pain and sufferings in many areas of my life, I was amazed. Even 2500 years after the Buddha’s passing, I truly felt his teaching rang true for me. I’m forever grateful for all that my teachers have done for me.
When I was asked to write this blog, I was a bit hesitant to share such personal dhamma stories with the world. But, I began to think it could benefit me to record my practice; that it could help with my progress. I’ve also learned so much from listening to my teachers’ stories. They showed me their flaws and their wrong views and how they fixed them. I’m still taking baby steps on my own journey and don’t have answers for everything yet but I hope one day I can see what my teachers see and that my stories can be beneficial to someone else.
A Little More About Me:
After I finished my BA in Communication Arts & Design, I moved to the San Francisco 15 years ago, went back to school for fashion and got married. I currently work as a bridal designer. Working in the bridal industry has given me so much material to use in my dhamma practice. There are a lot of things I love about my work and most people think I have the happiest job, but under my calm and composed appearance is the same stress and constant headaches that comes with most jobs and even more.