Two days after my wife’s dad passed away, she asked me if I could take her to a meditation center for her to practice her meditation for 10 days in hopes of resolving her sadness. She also asked me if I could go to the temple on the 7th day to do a food offerings honoring her dad… and I agreed.

So on a Thursday morning, I drove her car to the temple because her car had easier access to the road than my car. On the highway, the car started to wobble. And soon after that, I realized that the back right tire blew up. So, I decided to exit the highway and changed the tire. In doing so, I could no longer do food offerings and decided to go home.

I was mad at my wife, because I asked her several times in the past several weeks to change the tire due to its bad condition. That’s her car, her responsibility. I warned her so many times, yet she did not listen. I blamed her for not listening to me.

On Saturday morning, I decided to go to the temple to do food offerings. This time, I drove my car. As I arrived at the temple, I realized that they have Dhamma Discussion at 1 PM. Hmm… so I decided to join.

During discussion, a question was being asked to each participant: “Is there an example where you blame anyone for the things that happen to you?” I answered “Yes!” Then, I told my story on what happened on Thursday morning. “She never listened to me, and looked at what happened. I could have died. I could have been in an accident.“

Then… the monk asked me several follow up questions:

“Why did you drive her car that day knowing that the tire was in bad condition?”

“If you knew the tire was in bad condition, how come you did not help her change it?”

*** silence…***

I chose to drive her car because I was lazy to get my car out of the car port.

I asked her to change the tire because I was lazy to order the tire myself, drove the car to the mechanic, etc. I was lazy to go through the whole process of changing the tire.

I was not a responsible husband in this case because I did not think it through… what happened if the tire was exploded while my wife was driving the car? What happened if she got into an accident? How would I feel? Would there be regrets? Will I then blamed myself because I could’ve and should’ve changed the tire but I didn’t?

That’s the point where I realized that I never really look at my own fault. I always easily blamed it on other people. We could have easily argued and fight over this. All those, because I could not see that I am at fault.

The Buddha said:

You are the owner of your actions (kamma), heir to your own actions…

And that was the beginning of my practice on this wisdom cultivation style. It was to look for my own fault at any given situation.

That way, I know what I can improve on. That way, I have less ego because I am at fault. I know that the things that happen to me, I did it to myself and not anybody else.