I just finished my lunch at a crowded restaurant and decided to pay for the food at the cashier. As I walked into the counter and had the cash ready, all of sudden there was an old man who grabbed my hand and started yelling… “This is America! In America, people stand in line! You hear me…. we have good culture of first come first serve here.“

I was pissed! Why is this man so rude to me? As I look to my right, I realized that that there was a long line of people waiting to be served by the cashier. But I still did not get why was that man so rude.

I left the restaurant with anger. And whenever I remembered that incident, those anger came back.

But hey, I felt that suffering. And based on this wisdom style of Dhamma practice – whenever there is suffering… i am at fault! What…? How am I at fault?! I did not see the people standing in line. I did not deserve to get treated rudely like that. How… how is it my fault?

Months after that day, I was at the KPY retreat. It was homework time. The assignment was to find some real life examples where I thought I was a victim (the good guy), but in actuality I was also the perpetrator (the bad guy).

Then, that lunch incident came to me. And yes, I was still angry.

As I tried to list out several examples of I being the victim, I realized there were two examples I wrote that got my attention:

Example #1: I was at a restaurant trying to pay for the food. An old man grabbed my hand and started yelling non-sense about this is America.

Example #2: I was at the grocery store waiting to pay for my stuff when all of sudden someone went ahead to the front of the line (after asking for permission to the customer next in line). Then boom! I realized that I was that same guy in #1.

As the old man who “talked non-sense”, all I wanted was to pay for the food and leave. But it was a loooong line. I had to wait for the cashier to help all these people in front of me first before she could help me. All of sudden, there was this young guy without hesitation, who did not even ask permission and just walked to the cashier and paid for the food. What the hell..? This is not fair. The guy did not know any manner. Before long, I sounded like that old man… “talking non-sense”. I am no different than the guy #2. I was even worse than him. No wonder people would yell at me. It is understandable. It is real. I would do that too. I am no different. No longer that I was mad to the situation and to the old man.

This is what my Dhamma teachers thought me as Internalization. This is a powerful tool that can help me whenever it is hard for me to find how I am at fault.

If I stand from my own vantage point, it is hard to see how I am at fault. I need to stand from different angles. One important angle is the person I have a dispute with. I became that person. I internalize.

Dhamma is Opanayiko (leaning inward, can be internalized). I chant this quite often during Praying services.

And I think this is what it means! It is amazing how Dhamma really works beyond the chanting and ritual.