Whenever I contemplated about self and self belongings, I understand that my laptop, water bottles, car, cellphone, books, watch, chair, desk, and so on are not truly owned by me. But every time I tried to relate it with my body, I can’t really get pass it. I don’t feel it. I don’t see it. I don’t get it. I am frustrated.

I remembered one of the Buddha’s teachings as mentioned by Venerable Acariya Thoon Khippapanyo that only by truly knowing and truly seeing  that someone can understand Dhamma according to the truth.

Knowing the Dhamma is not really a problem to me. But, to truly seeing it is the problem. Whenever I tried to internalize how my body experience similar suffering, I don’t really feel it and that stressed me out.

Time for consultation with my teachers.

To truly see the impermanence… to truly experience what it really means, sometimes more and more evidence need to be collected first. Evidence is knowledge. It is my process of studying about the truth. Only when I have enough overwhelming evidence that prove the erroneous of what I believe that truly seeing can occur.

Sometimes I only need to know one thing that really relates to me that I then can truly see it. Another time, I need to collect more and more evidence (multiple knowing) first before it can lead to true seeing.

The key is for me to start from what really matter to me, my problems and my wrong perception. And from there, I need to be diligent to collect more and more evidence that break my wrong perception in order to get into full understanding of the teachings.