We live on a somewhat crowded block. A block that is we’ll say congested with parked cars. The north cross street of our block is Taraval which is home to many restaurants, small businesses regularly frequented by the public, an apartment building, as well as metered parking. The south side of our block is home to two blocks of city park space that includes a baseball diamond, playground, tennis court, basketball courts, swimming pool and open grass space. As a result our block tends to be frequented by many cars of people either trying to avoid the meters or heading to the park or to the pool or a restaurant or the smoke shop or the vape shop or the martial arts school or the copy center or the library or the bar(s) or visiting with friends or the new Chinese bakery that just opened up or who knows?! I sure don’t know the reasons why all these cars are here on this block. But I sure spun my wheels for a while asking these questions. I do know this for sure; we have a small driveway and on one side of this small driveway is a small parking spot. I also know this small parking space has its south side curb painted red. Our neighbors had the SF MTA come out and paint it to ensure their driveway isn’t blocked. Which makes the spot even smaller. You know what else I know for sure? I know that this small parking space is used all the time despite its size and red paint. You know what else I know for sure?? People park in that spot all the time and the front end of their cars end up in my driveway all the time!
So Ill come home or peak out the window, see a car with its front end beyond the curb and in my driveway and ask:
“Why would you block someone’s driveway?”
“Do they not see that their car is beyond the curb?”
“Did they even look to see if they fit in this space?”
“Who just parks and blocks someone else’s driveway?”
“Do people not care anymore?”
“Is this world just gone crazy or what?”
My answer to these questions:
“I don’t care. You shouldn’t block my driveway.”
“I don’t care. You shouldn’t block my driveway.”
“I don’t care. You shouldn’t block my driveway.”
“I don’t care. You shouldn’t block my driveway.”
“I don’t care. You shouldn’t block my driveway.”
“I don’t care. You shouldn’t block my driveway.”
Those questions and answers really don’t get me anywhere. So I call the MTA and have them ticketed. That’s right. I will admit it. I am not here to lie to you or to myself. I have called the MTA and requested people be given tickets for blocking my driveway. One time I even had a car towed! But in my defense the car was literally parallel parked in the driveway as if it was a parking space. That makes it ok right??
No it doesn’t make it right in my heart. It doesn’t make me feel any better thinking about that car being towed. I could have handled it better. I did over to the park and ask if it belonged to anyone there before calling to have it towed. But still I could have done better. After calling and having that car towed I remembered Phra Anun telling me instead of asking “Why did they do that?” ask yourself “Why does it bother me?”. The reasoning being sound logic. I will never truly know why they did it. Even if I was able to talk to them and they gave me answer I won’t know if they’re being truthful. Again even if they were it doesn’t matter because the problem lies within me and my perceptions. Therefore the answer lies within me as well. I need to look within and fix my wrong perception. Find the personal truth, the permanent thought that is keeping me from the truth and the end of my suffering.
So I asked myself:
(To be clear these are some examples of the questions I asked myself for this situation. Be sure to ask yourself the appropriate questions for yourself and the given situation.)
“Why is this wrong?”
“Why does this bother me?”
“Did you expect there not to be any cars on this block?”
“Can you not allow people more space?”
“Have you done this before?”
“Is “your” driveway worth this trouble? This karma?”
“Can you not let go of this space and this being “your” driveway?”
“Do you own this driveway?”
“Would it bother me if I knew who it was? Why?”
“Why should people care about “your” driveway?”
“Am I taking this personal?”
“Do you really want people to know this is your driveway?”
“Is there any reason that I would be ok with someone blocking my driveway? Why? Does it matter?”
After answering some of these questions I discovered some truths. People are going to park on this block. Duh. People are going to park here in this space whether the car fits or not. Duh. I have no control over people nor this space. Duh. Giving tickets out is not going to stop this space from being used. People purposely park knowing they don’t fit and some don’t, some mistakes. I know I have done both. I was taking it personal as if it were being done to me and therefore I was going to do it back to you by giving you a ticket- untrue and irrational. I have gotten a ticket before and it sucks. I do not want to have any part of adding that situation to someones day. I don’t always need the driveway and still can get my car in and out of the garage. So I was simply trying to maintain boundaries and protect “my space”. Silly. Not worth it. I learned some other things about myself but think you get the picture.
I no longer call the MTA to ticket people. I am no longer bothered by cars being parked where they may. Also when the opportunity presents itself I offer the actual driveway to people to use instead of the small street space.
What are some of the right questions you ask yourself? Have they helped? How?