I was flying back home last week and saw a movie on the plane called “Lost in Hong Kong” It was basically a story of regret. There were these two art students who grew close to each other. While working on painting projects, BUT every time they were going to kiss, they were interrupted by some one. In the end, they the female student left for an art program at a prestigious university. There was another student who liked the male art student and they ended up getting married and he became a designer for her family’s bra manufacturing business. He had a good life, but regretted never becoming an artist and never pursuing a relationship with the other student. He had a good life, but he was bored. On a family vacation, he arranged to meet he long lost love during the opening of her art exhibit. In the end he was able to meet her. He wanted to finally kiss her, but he couldn’t. In the end, he realized that his life was good and he loved his wife. After seeing this movie, I saw myself.

Before I started seeing my current wife, I was starting to dating a woman. We’ll call her Jane. She had a great job and was looking for a companion. She was not looking to get married. We had a great time when we went out. We would go out for dinner and coffee. Have a great conversation about travel, work, life etc. During this time, I was working on a island in the south pacific (where I met my wife). And I would make it a point to see Jane when I had a visited to San Francisco. After my assignment was over and I returned back to SF, I was planning to have a heart to heart with her and express my feelings for her. We agreed to meet but based on our schedules we left the time open. When we finally got together, I expressed my feelings for her and she told me that she had a boyfriend. She liked me and didn’t know why I “didn’t make any moves.” She thought I wasn’t interested in her and someone else showed an interest in her and she started a relationship with him. I was devastated. To make things worse, she said she did send me an email trying to set up a date (before she pursued the other guy), but I didn’t remember receiving it. That was the one email that changed the course of my life.

The reason I mentioned Jane was because we were on the same flight. She was a few rows behind me and I didn’t see her until after we were about to de-plane. We chatted a little on the way to baggage claim and then parted ways.

Before, practicing Dhamma, I would think “what if”. Just like the character in “Lost in Hong Kong”. I would “kick myself” for not carefully reading my emails. About a year later, I started dating my wife. For a while after I was married, I would sometimes think about Jane. I think how much better my life would be if I was with her. In looking at her social media postings, I could see that she lived a good life, but it wasn’t they type of life I would have enjoyed. Also if I entered into a relationship with her, I wouldn’t have found Wat San Fran nor would I be practicing Dhamma. Looking back I am happy with the path I ended up on.

To me this was a prime example of attachment. I was attached to a feeling associated with a few dates and from there extrapolated a future that was wonderful, but in reality, my extrapolation of the future was not based on reality. I remember in the last Buddhism class I attended we talked about the loss of loved one. Impermanence tells us that everyone must die. So we know that. What causes us sorrow is the thought of how perfect our lives would be if only they were here. But reality is (with every relationship), it is far from perfect. We have lots of ups and downs; however, we tend to focus on the best parts. It’s not to say we are glad the other person passed away….or glad I missed “that email.” Instead it is about appreciating what you have, living in the present and not thinking about what you THINK you could have had.

It wasn’t until I started practicing Dhamma that I am finally able to start letting go of “regret” in my life.