Many times when I feel frustrated on angry about something or situation I am in, there was a question or statement in my head that keeps repeating over and over again. If I pay attention to those questions of statements, they usually have something in common. They are pointing outwards, blaming others, talking about other people. And this technique has helped me numerous time in pointing out my mistake and flaws that leads to my suffering.

For example, there is a situation where there is a car in front of me driving slower than me. Right away, I am thinking in frustration “why is this car driving so slow?! Do you know that people are in a hurry.” In this type of situation, it is beneficial for me to start asking the opposite “why am I driving so fast?! What is it that I am in such a hurry.” Then from there, I can see that there is an underlying reason or motivation why I am in such a hurry. One time, it was because I wanted to arrive 15 minutes earlier than the appointment time to fill out some form for dental work. That way when the appointment time comes, all the administration tasks are done and the dentist will be ready to work on my tooth. This is better than the alternative of spending 15 minutes into the appointment filling out paperworks and so I get 15 minutes less time with the dentist. In my mind, it is all about efficiency that I think the dentist, his assistant and other patients should follow. While in real life, people have their own way of being efficient and sometimes being efficient is not even necessary in order to to accomplish things.

Another example is when I open the entrance door and let people pass it first and…. they don’t even say THANK YOU! “What’s wrong with you guys… not even a thank you, a smile at least!” Then, I asked myself… “What’s wrong with me… expecting a thank you from opening a door?” If my motivation is truly helping them to pass the entrance without touching the door, then mission is accomplished. I have done my job. But, here is a strong indicator that a ‘thank you’ really matters to me. I want to get something in return for what I have done. I helped out to generate an acknowledgement that I am a helpful and kind person. It has nothing to do with the person I try to help. They are just a medium for me to unleash my desire to become a helpful person.

My teachers at Wat San Fran have been teaching me to keep internalizing in as many situations as possible. By asking myself the opposite of what I originally thought in certain situations, I can diffuse the anger, frustration or worry that I had originally while at the same time I can start internalize, contemplate and work on the real issues at hand.