Jason is a teenager now and is starting to establish his identity. Part of that is saying “no.” One day, I told him to put some groceries that my wife bought into the trunk of the car. He said No. I told to put it in the trunk and he said no again. I then gave him the death stare and said with low voice and in tone which told him he better say yes, that he is going to put the groceries in the car now and will not say no to me again and if I ask him to do something, he can only say no once. If I ask him a second time to do something, it means I’m serious and he had better say yes….or else…..

A few weeks went by and basketball season has started. Jason was huffing and puffing during practice. He was out of shape. Since it was still summer break (at the time), I told Jason that he would have to go out on walks with me on the weekend and that he would have to do some running because he needed to get back into shape for the basketball season. The night before we went for a walk, Jason said he hurt his ankle. I told him that we will decide tomorrow morning if we would go for a walk. The following morning, Jason said his ankle was still hurting. I said that he can stay home. He insisted on going for walk. I told him no. He became so insistent that he got angry and started crying. I asked him what was going on and why he was so grumpy. He said he had to go because I told him he could not say no and he didn’t want to get into trouble. At that moment I saw the damage that my words had caused. I was in a no win situation. If I tell him to stay home, he’ll be in a very bad mood and think that he is in trouble. If I let him go and he makes his ankle worse, he won’t be able to play basketball until it heals. I was stuck. No matter what I said, I would be the bad guy.

Being a first time parent raising a teenager has been and is challenging. It is a huge responsibility. When I don’t get along with people, I just avoid them, but now I’m in a situation where I cannot avoid the person. I LIVE WITH HIM!! Trying to “parent” him is a never ending challenge for me. I have to keep my ego/anger/expectations in check. I have to live with the results of my actions (like in this situation), but I’m determined to learn, observe (Jason and myself), and adjust my approach accordingly. What I learned here is that “laying down the law” can have negative consequences.