Jason was on his computer the other day studying. He was at my wife’s work place sitting in front. I went to visit them and when I walked by, I saw that he was playing games on the computer. He didn’t see me through the window because he was concentrating on the game. When I went into the shop, I saw him fiddle with the keyboard. I asked him what he was doing. He said he was studying for a test. When I looked at his screen, he had a different website up (not the gaming one). I told him I know that he was playing games because I saw the computer screen when I was outside. I told him that he was not allowed to play games during the week and he broke the trust so he lost his privileges on the computer. I talked to my wife about it. She told me Jason told her he was studying for a science test. Then she said he must not want to play basketball. When she said that, something clicked in my head. I remembered how I said to myself that I have to learn to let go.

I thought about how I told him that in life he has to choose what is important to him (basketball in this case). I was still clinging on to my belief that he is lazy and doesn’t want to study hard, my belief that I can change him, my belief that I am right. I thought about it and told him that mom talked some sense into me. I explained to him that I cannot control him and that he has to choose what is important in life. I told him that if he played games on the computer and got good grades, I would be okay with it because that would show me that he is being responsible (balance of studying and playing); However, even as I was talking with Jason I could feel anger. In the back of my mind I was saying to myself, “Wait until your grades come out. I know they will be bad and I’ll cut basketball. Then I’ll lecture you again.” The feeling is not as strong as it used to be, but it is still there which tells me I still have to working on letting go.