I was watching some old episodes of Twilight Zone. There was one episode (Season 1 – Episode 15 – Walking Distance) that I liked. The episode was about an advertising executive who hated his life. One day he just got into his car and started driving. He stopped at a gas station for an oil change, when deciding what do while he waited, he saw a road sign that said there was a town 1.5 miles away. It happened to be the town he grew up in so he walked there. What he realized when he got there was that he had somehow gone into the past. He saw his parents and himself as a child. He wanted to tell the child (i.e. the younger version of him) to enjoy his life now because when he grows up, it’s hard. In the end, he wasn’t able to convey the message to the younger version of him. He did talk to his father, who came to see that the man was his son, but from the future. His father told him to leave. This summer was for his son (the younger version) and not to be shared. The man told his father that he didn’t like what his life had become (as successful as he was) and he longed for the old days and the joys of youth. His father then asks him, “Is it really that bad where you come from?” The father then said that there are good things where he is at if only he looks for them.

This reminded me about not letting go of the past. I use to be in law enforcement, then I retired. I’ve worked a couple of jobs and one of the ideas I held on to, even though I knew I had to let it go, was that I was still in law enforcement. It was a struggle to accept the idea that I was no longer in the “business” and that I did not have the status I use to. Impermanence tells me that life changes and nothing is stays the same. But even with that I clung on to my past identity. I eventually accepted the fact that I was no longer who I was and that it was time to move on. After that, I started to appreciate what I had. With everything there is good and bad. I only saw the bad because I no longer had status, but once I accepted the change (which was my choice because I chose to retire), I started to appreciate and see the good things about retirement and about not having the responsibilities associated with my prior job.

In another instance, since retiring, I put on weight. I was in denial, though my shirts were getting tighter and my belly bigger. I clung to the idea that if I dieted a particular way, I would lose weight like I did 15 years ago. It wasn’t working. I was holding on to the idea that I was still young (when I was younger this diet worked for me) even though I switched to “this” diet because the one I used a decade before that one, didn’t work anymore. Once I accepted the fact that the body changes and it’s not easy to lose weight as we get older I started to rethink my strategy. And rather that get upset by the slow progress, I was happy that I was making progress.  As a side note, in my prior sentence I used the work “accepted” rather than “understanding”, I understand a lot, but change does not happen for me until I accept it and make a change.