I was in Mendicino, a charming seaside town in Northern Cali, and I’m staring out the window of a coffee shop, watching the ocean, impatiently waiting for Eric to get his latte. At first I was mesmerized by the crashing waves, the churning near the rocks, it was so so beautiful. Then suddenly I thought, from here, from this perspective, this viewpoint, it’s all beauty no pain. I don’t notice, don’t think about…the rocks are so sharp, so dangerous, the water so cold, just below the surface are animals that bite, that sting, that cause harm, peril.

How is my own life like this? Where are the places, the things, the relationships in which I only see the surface, the one side, I forget the costs?

The truth is, this brief contemplation was shallow, not full or complete. It was before I really began to see and comprehend the way suffering permeates my life. I  didn’t yet understand how to look at the rupa —  the car, the clothes, my body, my beauty  — and see the dark side. Or how my imagination, my aspirations — having that princess charmed life, having that ‘dangerous’ and mysterious lover, having that high powered partner — cost me. That came later. Much later.

But this Ubai, like the plants, it stayed with me. Gnawed at my mind for years. I share it now, Dear Reader, so you get it in the same course  I did. So that when it comes up again you can trace the timing, you can appreciate how long a seed can stay below the surface. Also, so you know…not every story of mine or thought has a neat conclusion, a short tie-up. But over time my mind has a pattern of coming back to examples, thoughts, themes when I am ready for them to grow.