After arriving at my place in Bangkok last February and switching on the wi-fi in the condo, I saw that I missed a call from Meaw (my wife). I called her back. She told me that her car woouldn’t start. I asked her a bunch of question and had her start the car and let me listen. It sounded like the battery was low. I remember Toyota telling me that we would need to change the battery in the car because it wasn’t holding a full charge. Also, two nights ago, I left on an overhead light in the car. My neighbor rang my bell to tell me I left it on. This most likely drained the battery to the point that the car would not start.

I started a video call with her and told her I would walk her through process of charging the battery. She was resistant, she was frustrated. I had to calmly walk her through it. I could hear the frustration in her voice and I wouldn’t let her give up. She said she could just call AAA but I told her they would only jumpstart the car; however, she needed to charge the battery. After a little while, we got it hooked up and going. After leaving it on the charge for a few hours, the car started fine. It was a struggle for her because she was scared and the fear prevented her from following what I thought were simple instructions. It was a struggle for me because I couldn’t understand why she did understand what I was telling her.

I thought about how I sometimes don’t want to listen. In my early Dhamma practice I had to find fault in what I did. That was hard. I had to see the bad side of getting what I wanted or the good side of NOT getting what I wanted. Whenever I thought I was right, I had to think about how I could be wrong. I had to see both sides of the point.

Take a simple example of getting to the freeway. There is a preferred route because I think it is fast, but it depends on the time of day. If it’s rush hour, the main route is crowded so the preferred route is better. If it isn’t rush hour, the main route is better, then we can take into consideration the traffic, if there is an accident or road construction, then the “faster” way maybe the slowest. So reality is, when asked which route is the fastest to the freeway, then answer is obvious…..”It depends.” At first I thought this was a silly analogy; however, as I started to think more about it and asked myself the same questions when I disagreed with what my son or wife did. Or if I see someone do something I disagree with or see someone do something and think they are not doing it right, I have to stop and ask myself if I am correct in my view of their choice. One thing I noticed is that as time passes and I practice questioning myself, I became less judgmental. I started to see the merit in what people chose even though the choice they made may not have been what I would have done.

Take the example of my son, he did not score high on his past two grammar exams. I didn’t hear about this until he got stressed about his report card coming out. I had a talk with him. After failing the first grammar test, he chose to spend more time studying the assigned homework to help him do better on the next exam. When the second exam came around, he failed again. Rather than get mad, I asked him how he was going to approach studying for the next exam? We came up with a plan. Perhaps I would have done something different than my son, but I’m not him but I give him credit for taking the initiative to study harder after failing the first exam.