Well Dear Reader, we have finally arrived at the beginning — the events/thoughts that immediately preceded the very blog you are reading now. I’ll set the scene for you…

The time was early 2016 and my practice was gliding along quite smoothly. Until, it suddenly wasn’t: A close friend from the Temple and I were chatting and she asked what seemed like a simple question, “Alana are you coming to the upcoming retreat? We get to dress in white, keep the 8 precepts and stay at the women’s center. I’ll be there.”

I know my outside voice said something in reply, but it was the voice in my head that was really screaming, “run, get-out, break-free, you don’t belong here, this is so so so totally not you.” And so began the second major meltdown of my dharma practice: Alana,The Bad Buddhist  (the first, if you want a reminder is recapped in the blog Screw, This Dharma Thing.)

This will be a pretty short ‘chapter’ that covers some of the contemplations around those Bad Buddhist days that culminated in the starting of this blog.