I spent much of the 2016 retreat racking my brain for evidence about myself and this world that might be found in my objects. Finally one object, another article of clothes popped into my mind — a special shawl that was worn by members of my Tibetan Buddhist community when we practiced. I remember when I got that shawl, I was so proud to put it on, so excited to go to the temple to pray wearing it, proving that I was a ‘real member’ of the community, a real practitioner that I fit-in and belonged. But as I began to sour on Tibetan Buddhism, as I began to question my faith, I suddenly didn’t want to wear that shawl anymore. I remember going to a practice and putting it on and feeling embarrassed to be seen in it, like a fraud, like I was trapped as a member of a group I so deeply wanted out of. In my mind, the shawl went from being my badge of honor to my badge of shame in just a few short months but, the actual physical scarf didn’t change at all.

Suddenly it dawned on me, if there was some necessary relationship between the actual scarf (rupa) and my beliefs about the scarf (imagination) then shouldn’t a change in one necessitate a change in the other? If my identity as a good Tibetan Buddhist lived inside the scarf than as long as there was a scarf shouldn’t I have felt like, been, a good Tibetan Buddhist?  Instead I had a physically unchanged scarf, but a totally new imagination of what the scarf did, and what identity I as a scarf wearer had. Shit, between the awesome/not so awesome Porsche and now this scarf, I realized it is quite possible my stuff doesn’t actually do what I think it does at all…

All of this took my mind back to a long long time ago when I realized something else — my faithful frenemy fear — also didn’t quite do what I thought it did (for a little refresher on a scary yoga pose, a deep breath and my seeing fear didn’t live in situations or work to keep me safe see the contemplation here). Mae Yo and Neecha are always telling me to use the same techniques over and over again. So I though maybe I can use the same techniques I used to help eliminate my crazy fear/paranoia to address my greed for my objects. Stay tuned for next week’s exercise on how to use my past success contemplating fear to help me consider greed.