I was watching a TV show where one of the characters was in the hospital, on his deathbed. Despite having a troubled life, and a painful disease that was finally killing him, he remarked to his daughter that, “it was worth it, I would live my whole hard life again, just to have the time I did with you.” “Not me”, I am thinking, “that whole ‘better to have loved…
This post shares some highlights of a daily, self-assigned, homework exercise to explore the role of imagination in my day-to-day life. This blog is a direct continuation of the previous 2 posts; if you haven’t already done so, please head back and read those before proceeding. I was sitting in a park today and there was a free concert preformed by an Orthodox Jewish band. They were singing in Hebrew,…
This post shares some highlights of a daily, self-assigned, homework exercise to explore the role of imagination in my day-to-day life. This blog is a direct continuation of the previous post, The Tyranny of Imagination; if you haven’t already done so, please head back and read it before proceeding. I was planning a little weekend getaway with Eric. I thought to myself, this is what I think my retirement/perfect future with…
After the Kathina ceremony, while I was helping clean-up at the Wat, I started talking with LP Nut about managing my anxiety. Something he said really hit me: Everything I worry about — my cancer-de-jour, financial ruin, heart attacks, house fires, a life without Eric — it all comes from my imagination. My dis-ease arises in myself (thanks #4). Not quite buying the premise, I retorted that there are events in life…
For the 2018 Buddhist holy period (Vassa), which lasts 3 months, a number of folks from my community were making commitments to engage in their practice — or other personal development behaviors — on a consistent daily basis. I had already begun doing the daily impermanent exercises Mae Neecha had recommended to me (see the last blog for further details on this), so as part of my Vassa commitment, I…
Dear Reader, this blog is a direct continuation of the previous, if you have not already done so please go back and read Part 1. Where I am planning to go/have already begun going from here: That all basically covers the contours of the great retreat contemplation. I was talking to LP Nut about some of this and he offered a suggestion. He said, I should see there are many…
Dear Reader, here we have the contents of an email I sent to Mae Neecha rehashing my contemplations during, and just following, the 2018 retreat. This is looooonnnggggg, and made longer by a rather generously portioned ‘later day note’, so I will divide it into 2 blogs. A little background: LP Anan was telling stories about the Buddha’s wife and before he really got started he said something that set…
Having recently signed a 1 year-long contract to consult with my old company, I got to thinking how strange it is to have a deadline to my commitment. For 9 years, I had worked at the same company as a regular employee, but somehow, now, having a time-specified contract, felt different. It got me to start considering how fixed my view of commitment is in general. I mean sure, I…
Immediately after I wrote the blog post Sand Drawings I wrote the following journal entry which I will share in full (with a few modifications for clarity) here: After I wrote the sand drawing blog I started thinking — how am I changing, decaying, just bits of matter, aggregated together, subject to decay like other bits of aggregated mater that exist in the world? Don’t my teeth wear away like kitchen knives?…
I was sitting on the bathroom floor of my Manhattan loft, engaging in a-now-typical-ritual — crying my eyes out. I was miserable. I was so depressed. Above all else, I felt lost and trapped. The circumstances were this: Eric and I were in debt for a house we hated. He had a 2 year contract at work that, if broken, would require a significant sum to pay back our relocation…