20,000 Leagues to Sotapanahood

January 27, 2023

Following my retreat, I sent a few updates to Mae Neecha about my contemplations, progress and ongoing work; here is a recap of those messages. Part 1 — First Email Last night I was thinking back to a very strong childhood memory: as a young kid, my parents would take me to Disneyworld and I would rush to my very favorite ride –20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. It was a Jules Verne…

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Bite Me

January 20, 2023

I had an adorable pair of socks, they had a little cartoon apple on them and below the smiling apple face, they said  ‘bite me’. When I saw those socks in the store, they made me chuckle aloud; I bought them imagining all the platies and yoga classes I would attend, where everyone could see my socks and laugh along with me, basking in my cleverness and my rye sense of…

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The Poison Pill of Sometimes

January 13, 2023

After days using the exercise from the Anatta-Lakkhana sutra to contemplate my belongings and my body it started to become increasing clear to me that each object I contemplated on –every object in the world — is just marching through the shifting states of rupa. Clearly it isn’t you, you cant say that any of the 4 elements in any given combination, that will definitely disaggregate, is you. It isn’t representative of you either — it…

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2020 Retreat Part 8– A Ring/A Body That I Am Forced to Part Ways With Against My Will Can’t be Mine

January 6, 2023

Day 8: Part 1: Wedding Ring My wedding ring is not under my control (it was not mine, I had to part ways with it ‘against my will’). If my wedding ring were under my control, it would have never gotten scratched, or dull or dirty and dead skin never would have caked-up on the inside making it feel sticky. If my wedding ring were under my control, I would never have…

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2020 Retreat Part 7 — Fancy Shoes/A Body That Inevitably Decay and Break, As Part of Normal Use, Can’t be Mine

December 30, 2022

Day 7: Part 1: Louboutin shoes My louboutins are not under my control (they are not mine, their fading, decaying, breaking and eroding are inevitable — a normal part of their use). If my louboutins were under my control they would not scuff, the leather would not sag, they would never smell or get sticky and wet inside. If my louboutins were under my control their shiny red bottoms — the feature…

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2020 Retreat Part 6 — A Freezer/Lungs That Shift According to Their Elements Instead of My Wishes Can’t be Mine

December 23, 2022

Day 6: Part 1 My Freezer My freezer is not under my control (its elemental composition shifts in accord with its nature, and not necessarily in accord with my actions nor my desires). If my freezer were under my control food particles would not clog the drain line, water would not pool and harden at the bottom, gashes and marks would not be left by accumulated ice, and the door would…

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2020 Retreat Part 5 — A Peace Lily/Body That Are Reliant on Their Requisites Can’t be Mine

December 16, 2022

Day 5: Part 1: My Peace Lily (Plant) My peace lily is not under my control (it is not mine, it is reliant upon its requisites). If my peace lily were under my control its leaves would never yellow and get brown spots, its stems would never become flaccid and sag. If my lily were under my control it would always be perky and erect and bright green and smooth, the way…

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2020 Retreat Part 4 — A Cabin/Body That Doesn’t Keep Me Safe Can’t be Mine

December 9, 2022

Day 4 Part 1: My Vacation Cabin is Not Mine  My Vacation Cabin is not under my control (it is not mine, it cannot guarantee safety or protection). If the cabin were under my control, I would feel comfortable there all the time — there wouldn’t be dust everywhere, the hot water wouldn’t take forever to heat, the pipes wouldn’t creak and there wouldn’t be mold that aggravated my asthma. If…

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2020 Retreat Part 3 — That Pair of Jeans/Face That Change in Accord with Their Nature, and Can’t Be Stopped From Disaggregating, Can’t Be Mine

December 2, 2022

This contemplation is part of a series of exercises, derived from the Anatta-Lakkhana Sutra, that I did during my 2020 personal retreat. For more details please see the blog  titled Introduction to Contemplations From 2020 Personal Retreat. Day 3: Part 1: My Jeans  My jeans are not under my control (they are not mine, they change in accordance with their nature and not my rules, no alteration I make to them will …

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2020 Retreat Part 1B — A Body that Disregards my Rules, like My Night Guard and Like My Teeth, Can’t be Mine

November 18, 2022

This contemplation is part of a series of exercises, derived from the Anatta-Lakkhana Sutra, that I did during my 2020 personal retreat. For more details please see the blog, Introduction to Contemplations From 2020 Personal Retreat. To ‘celebrate ‘ my first day of retreat and to really make sure I had a through grasp on my homework assignment, I decided to do a little bonus work: In addition to comparing my bite guard…

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